excitement or anxiety?

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I feel something building up                                                              I feel my heart racing and my lungs failing to catch a full breath my eyes can’t seem to focus on what’s here and my ears can’t seem to listen to the current                                                               I want something to change and I think it’s coming a new year a new day I don’t know if I am waiting with excitement or with anxiety is my heart racing and my lungs failing due to the rush before something great or is it the due to the anxiety of the unknown

How will my life turn out? What will I accomplish with the short time I have on the earth? What do I want for this world? Why ask the questions at all?

I know that this inquiry makes things worse                                   I know that fear is present when the future lives in it but what am I to do? I want to know where I’m going but how does one truly determine their path? there are so many options so many ways to go how do you pick how do you choose? I love the options but I also hate them I want a defined path a defined future but that is to much to ask for no one truly has what they want no one truly knows what they need and no one truly knows where the future will take them

But I’m the person who wants to know who seeks those answers even if it causes anxiety or panic this desire the unequaled fire that consumes everything it touches it has no limit but one burn out and I want to know that day I want to when will that fire burn its brightest?

I want to reach my fullest potential as a person but I know to start or where to go I don’t what my dreams are because they are fleeting some people, they know; but I am not one of them.

So what is it excitement or anxiety? where do I fall? am i excited for the potential or anxious to find answers I know will never come

All in all I live in the grey ambivalence forever waiting to pick a side a perspective to live by.

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